https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QysRVMxkWUk
I want to talk about Ego. The concept of how it works and it full impact on us was very well explained in one of my favorite movies of all times – “Revolver”. I don’t even know if Guy Ritchie actually realize what masterpiece he has created when he made this movie. Because everything that’s been said and portrayed in it can be applied to literally every aspect of human existence including the love life.
We’ve all been told many times that true love knows no ego. How many of us forced to stay in relationships that no longer serve us for the wrong reasons our ego whispers us. We avoid being looked at as single, lonely, undesired, and very often hurt ourselves for the sake of anonymous approval. From the psychological point of view ego covers our insecurities. You see, when the pain is unbearable, our mind creates certain traits, so we don’t go crazy. However, the irony is that the ego makes us weak, dependable on people’s judgments, and trick us in far deeper personality problems.
In the love relationships the egocentric ones of us tend to see another person as a continuation of themselves. It’s very hard for them to see where their personal boundaries end and the lover’s start. Therefore, they know no respect. And for the sake of successful love life respect is crucial. We should understand that another person has its own will and we have zero to none influential tools to manipulate their behavior when they have their personal boundaries closed for us. And that lack of control drives ego-centered people nuts. It actually looks quite unattractive in action. Self-obsessed people will attack your boundaries, because they think they entitle to do so since they want something. When they meet with rejection they easily get mad, hurt, and blame it on others showing all the signs of immature personality.
As being a woman there are many times when I was approached by man who take my niceness for the green light and attack. When I pull back they get annoyed and angry. But why? Do your little wants give you the right to have it? You see, in people interaction, when you just met someone, and their boundaries are closed for you yet, the only thing you can do is sort of “throw a ball” and see if it get caught on the other side or it just falls flat. Again, if the other side caught the ball it’s still not the time to throw another one – otherwise they all will turn into rotten eggs. You wait until the person throw the ball back, what means that they ready to open they boundaries on the other side. Because remember, love is always a free will. You can never manipulate someone in falling for you. You only in control within your own personal space boundaries. And other people’s boundaries are needing to be respected.
Women do even worse. Often, we give away our personal space so readily in the attempt to dissolve completely in another person just to get disappointed. We try to own the man right the way what’s also a big disrespect to his personal boundaries and we have no right to get upset after we didn’t get the results we hoped for. So, every single time I hear a girl referring to her and her man as “we”, I know for sure she is in trouble. There is however mutual territory (like kids, mutual financial funds and etc.) when two people come together, but there also always should be a personal space for both that you don’t give away under any circumstances or at least no more than another person does.
Do you follow, how’s everything is connected?… Our ego by pretending to be us commands certain behavior patterns to maintain that high image of ourselves, what makes us an approval junkie, who scared behind that mask to death, and for the sake of keeping the face willing to do anything just to appear as our ego suggest. The recovery starts when you allow yourself to fail, when you respect other people’s choice not to like us back, move on and get over with. The real strength is the ability in any situation to turn the tables around to make it to our advantage. Again, it’s how fast you get back on your feet. It’s shifting the control back to you from the hands of other people, and care less what they have to say about it.